OK. So, you’re saying it’s about time that I updated my About page? I’ll probably make some more changes, but feel free to check it out.

For posterity’s sake, here is the link to the old About page. It’s obviously a bit dated, but tells you a bit about where I was in my life way back in 2006.

I really appreciate all the comments and kind words in response to my last post about why I have quit blogging. I’ve thought a lot about whether I want to continue and the fact is that I do want to keep writing on this blog.

In the years since I started blogging at FreshBlogger, I’ve written nearly 400 posts on all kinds of different topics. Writing on this blog has been a catharsis for me as well as a way for me to share some of the important things that I’ve learned. Not only that, but it’s helped to bring in a few dollars along the way that have been crucial in getting me through some rough times.

This blog has been a good thing for me. It’s true that I can’t always say exactly what I would like to, but there is a lot that I can say.

I’m going to continue to write posts here and there and share some of the lessons I’ve learned. I’m also going to try to be more open and put more of myself into my writing.

I’ve been thinking about this blog lately. Really what I’ve been thinking about mostly is in the form of a question: Why have I given up blogging?

In reality, despite the fact that I’ve written this article and posted it on my blog, most visitors would conclude that I’ve given up blogging. I last posted in September of last year.That would be almost five months without posting at all. This blog seems to be dead. Right?

When I first started this blog back in January of 2006, I was posting pretty frequently. I started out with a post nearly every other day. This continued with some variety for the next couple of years. Life went on and I happily (and sometimes unhappily) continued to blog about things that were of interest to me. I was able to post generally at least once a week until November of 2007.

After that, my posting turned sporadic for the most part. I did make some attempts to revive Freshblogger and had some success, but never as much as I’d had before. It just wasn’t the same. I couldn’t find the motivation to sustain it.

So, what happened?

A lot of stuff. That’s the simple answer.

I blogged once upon a time about putting your personality into your writing. I emphasized the importance of doing this to separate yourself from the millions of other bloggers. There are many, many bloggers, but only one of you. Put a bit of your self into every post, everything you do, and you will stand out.

Through all of life’s changes, it became difficult for me to do this. I felt that I could no longer put my real self into what I was writing for this blog.

I didn’t feel like I could talk about the real things that were going on in my life. I couldn’t talk about my failing marriage and subsequent divorce. The devastation I felt as my life seemed to disintegrate. The guilt I felt, knowing that much of it was my own fault.

I couldn’t talk about the job that I hated for so long. How I was so bored that I wanted to stab myself in the eyes with any sharp objects just to stop the terrible pain of boredom.

I couldn’t talk about rediscovering my individuality. Feeling free for the first time in years after the end of the marriage and the job, neither of which was right for me.

Was I then supposed to talk about the joys of rediscovering dating? The thrill of the chase, of the touch of someone new? Shocking, wonderful delights.

How could I talk about the pain of not waking up to my children every day? Not being able to check on them in the middle of the night. Not being there to comfort them, take care of them, protect them from the horrors of the world.

What could I say about wondering if I could ever love, or even trust someone again? Could I talk about finding someone, falling in love, and marrying again?

How about the jobs? Would anyone care that I’d found another job that was interesting and challenging? But, then, would anyone want to know that it turned very bad after a few months and I realized I was working for a sociopath?

I would have liked to have written about the things that I’d experienced. Everything that I’d learned. I’d like to write about the things that I continue to learn.

I didn’t know how I could possibly write what I really wanted to.

There are a number of reasons for this, I suppose. Chief among them was the fear that it could adversely affect my search for a new job. You can’t very well talk about your douche-bag boss on the blog that’s attached to your real name.

My blogging became a victim of the filter of my own fears. I had to filter out all of those things that could possibly harm me in some way.

I couldn’t talk about my real life, my true concerns. I could only touch on them in the vaguest of senses. I could admit the truth of my divorce and the fact that I was changing jobs, but I didn’t feel like I could expose my true self.

I know this blog isn’t a diary, but I’ve always written it for myself, if not to myself. I’ve loved writing much of it. Other times, I can honestly say that I had to force myself to write.

Where do we go from here, then? That’s a good question. Unfortunately, I don’t have a solid answer for you or even for myself. Writing is somewhat of a painful pleasure for me. It’s exhausting, yet thoroughly cathartic.

I think that I’ll keep writing, keep chipping away at this awful filter, like a sculptor finding David inside a block of marble.