How to Deal with Disappointment
11 Comments Published October 14th, 2008 in advice, choices, goals, happiness, life, positive thinking, productivity, self improvement, successRecently I had a situation in which I had some high expectations of a particular outcome. I don’t want to go into detail right now, but it turned out that the outcome that I had hoped for and even expected didn’t come about. I had invested a significant amount of time and energy into this situation and I was pretty disappointed.
I went through a range of emotions as I came to terms with the result of my efforts and as I thought about it, I realized it might be helpful for me to write about. I find a kind of catharsis in writing and also feel that some of you may benefit from my experience as well.
I’m no psychiatrist, but I do believe there are stages that a person goes through in dealing with disappointment just like when grieving. In fact, disappointment could be seen as a loss of opportunity that certainly could trigger the grieving process. With that said, here are the steps that occurred to me:
1. Be hurt. It’s OK. It’s likely that a lost opportunity will leave you with injured pride or injured feelings. Don’t fight this feeling. Just let it happen, but don’t dwell there for long in self pity. Let it go.
2. Allow yourself to be angry. Maybe not everyone will feel this way, but I found myself getting angry after the initial shock passed. This is another emotion that’s useful, but only in the short term in this case. Let it be a motivator to further progressive action, but don’t allow it to fester and consume you. As with hurt, just let it go.
3. Take a little time. Yes, take a breather for a little while and let things sink in. It often helps to give these things a day or two to sink in. With a good night’s rest or two, your perspective on events will begin to change and the other emotions will begin to fade.
Count your blessings.
4. Count your blessings. I’m sure if you consider for a moment you’ll see that there are many good things in your life. Things aren’t as bad as they may seem at times. It may take a bit more than a couple of days, but let yourself enjoy the good things about the life you have.
5. Put a positive spin on events. As you realize that there definitely are good things in your life, spend some time casting the events of your disappointment into a better light. Don’t misunderstand that I’m advising you to lie to yourself. Far from it. What I would like to stress is that there are different ways to view the things that have occurred. You can choose to view them from a positive perspective or you can dwell on the negative. It’s your choice.
6. Get back on the horse. After you’ve taken some time and worked through the earlier stages of this process, it’s time to get back to work. Whatever your disappointment was, don’t allow it to haunt you through life. Remember that there will always be some disappointments and failures in life and that those who overcome the trials are the ones who will be successful. There’s no other path to success.
I truly hope that these steps are of some value to you. Taking the time to write about this topic has been a positive experience for me and I’m ready to get back to work. How about you?
11 Responses to “How to Deal with Disappointment”
- 1 Pingback on Oct 20th, 2008 at 6:45 am
- 2 Pingback on Oct 25th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
I think you bring an excellent process to be addressed, being disappointed is often avoided when in reality the best way to deal with it, is to accept it.
Acknowledging that disappointment is a natural process helps us adapt, change and grow. And we’ll be better off for next time. —Tony
Wow!
Congratulations on discovering a healthy way to deal with disappointment and sharing it with us. Since disappointment is an inevitable part of human existence, our happiness depends on processing it and moving on.
Experiencing this and other negative emotions mean that you have the capacity to feel and enjoy positive ones as well. Folks who try to shield themselves from negative emotions end up not being able to feel positive ones either.
Well put! It isn’t often that I see thoughts similar to my own mirrored so eloquently.
This article comes about at a great time for a lot of people. Whether they are watching their 401ks plummet, or disappointed with another situation in their lives, we all need to be reminded sometimes to get back on that horse, and to see the good in the bad.
So, that being said, allow yourself to be angry, but don’t become bitter. Take some time, but not too much, and keep your chin up. Opportunities abound!
Hey Tony, Flora, and Scooter -
I really appreciate your kind words and insight. Honestly, it’s been a struggle for me to accept a lot of the things that have happened to me over the last few years and this is all a learning experience.
I’m glad that I can share something that may be of use to others in navigating through the troubled waters of life. We all go through times that aren’t the best, but it’s definitely all about what we make of it.
Thanks so much for your comments!
I don’t think that one can over come Disappointment. Experiencing this and other negative emotions mean that you have the capacity to feel and enjoy positive ones as well. Folks who try to shield themselves from negative emotions end up not being able to feel positive ones either.
Felt as if you were mirroring my method. One more step I use whenever applicable: Review and Learn from it.
I found the best way to deal with disappointment is to expect the worse and prepare the best you can. If you expect and prepare for the worst then, logically, nothing bad can happen (or at least nothing you didn’t expect). This approach sounds depressing but it really isn’t; you are just prepared to deal with whatever happens. You can also become indifferent to failure; it is part of life. If you never fail or are never disappointed then how can you deal with it when it happens? As said before, just expect the worst and let it go!
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Great post. I also have had a few disappointments that really hurt in the pit of my stomach. Mostly work related, like I applied for a promotion or asked to be included on a project, only to be turned down or bumped without explanation.
However, with a few of these disappointments, I realize I’m actually glad I didn’t get chosen. One project turned out to be a total nightmare for the person who was put in charge, and I went on to find my perfect job fit. So, it may seem like a disappointment at the time but it can often be a blessing.