I’ve been thinking about this blog lately. Really what I’ve been thinking about mostly is in the form of a question: Why have I given up blogging?
In reality, despite the fact that I’ve written this article and posted it on my blog, most visitors would conclude that I’ve given up blogging. I last posted in September of last year.That would be almost five months without posting at all. This blog seems to be dead. Right?
When I first started this blog back in January of 2006, I was posting pretty frequently. I started out with a post nearly every other day. This continued with some variety for the next couple of years. Life went on and I happily (and sometimes unhappily) continued to blog about things that were of interest to me. I was able to post generally at least once a week until November of 2007.
After that, my posting turned sporadic for the most part. I did make some attempts to revive Freshblogger and had some success, but never as much as I’d had before. It just wasn’t the same. I couldn’t find the motivation to sustain it.
So, what happened?
A lot of stuff. That’s the simple answer.
I blogged once upon a time about putting your personality into your writing. I emphasized the importance of doing this to separate yourself from the millions of other bloggers. There are many, many bloggers, but only one of you. Put a bit of your self into every post, everything you do, and you will stand out.
Through all of life’s changes, it became difficult for me to do this. I felt that I could no longer put my real self into what I was writing for this blog.
I didn’t feel like I could talk about the real things that were going on in my life. I couldn’t talk about my failing marriage and subsequent divorce. The devastation I felt as my life seemed to disintegrate. The guilt I felt, knowing that much of it was my own fault.
I couldn’t talk about the job that I hated for so long. How I was so bored that I wanted to stab myself in the eyes with any sharp objects just to stop the terrible pain of boredom.
I couldn’t talk about rediscovering my individuality. Feeling free for the first time in years after the end of the marriage and the job, neither of which was right for me.
Was I then supposed to talk about the joys of rediscovering dating? The thrill of the chase, of the touch of someone new? Shocking, wonderful delights.
How could I talk about the pain of not waking up to my children every day? Not being able to check on them in the middle of the night. Not being there to comfort them, take care of them, protect them from the horrors of the world.
What could I say about wondering if I could ever love, or even trust someone again? Could I talk about finding someone, falling in love, and marrying again?
How about the jobs? Would anyone care that I’d found another job that was interesting and challenging? But, then, would anyone want to know that it turned very bad after a few months and I realized I was working for a sociopath?
I would have liked to have written about the things that I’d experienced. Everything that I’d learned. I’d like to write about the things that I continue to learn.
I didn’t know how I could possibly write what I really wanted to.
There are a number of reasons for this, I suppose. Chief among them was the fear that it could adversely affect my search for a new job. You can’t very well talk about your douche-bag boss on the blog that’s attached to your real name.
My blogging became a victim of the filter of my own fears. I had to filter out all of those things that could possibly harm me in some way.
I couldn’t talk about my real life, my true concerns. I could only touch on them in the vaguest of senses. I could admit the truth of my divorce and the fact that I was changing jobs, but I didn’t feel like I could expose my true self.
I know this blog isn’t a diary, but I’ve always written it for myself, if not to myself. I’ve loved writing much of it. Other times, I can honestly say that I had to force myself to write.
Where do we go from here, then? That’s a good question. Unfortunately, I don’t have a solid answer for you or even for myself. Writing is somewhat of a painful pleasure for me. It’s exhausting, yet thoroughly cathartic.
I think that I’ll keep writing, keep chipping away at this awful filter, like a sculptor finding David inside a block of marble.
Related posts:
This was my 1st visit to your blog. It’s listed as a custom button on google toolbar. I’ve often thought of writing a blog–for many reasons. Supposedly you can make money. I’ve just always enjoyed reading & thought I’d like to write. …Anyway–what I really just want to say is I honestly wished you had have written about all the things that were really going on in you life. I understand your reasons for not doing so. It would have been interesting in hearing how you dealt with the exact same thing that alot of us have gone thru. There’s nothing more raw than love & loss & that’s something pretty much everyone has in common–we’ve all experienced love & loss on some level.
I hope you continue the blog because that post definitely got me interested & I will be reading your previous posts.
I think people just have their days when they don’t want to blog anymore, but it always comes back, at lest for me.
I would have liked to have written about the things that I’d experienced. Everything that I’d learned. I’d like to write about the things that I continue to learn, so don’t quit blogging.
Come on.. you can’t give up! Even if you don’t update your blog often, I think it would be nice to read from you every now and then =]
That happens to almost all bloggers. Their blogs suddenly become unfinished projects. But you can always jump back to writing and talk about new experiences. Just keep writing.
Sounds to me like you just need some time off. If you don’t feel like posting right now that’s just how it is. Keep the site up, or not. Its up to you, but as a creative person I understand that sometime you need to walk away from a project. Sometimes you come back to it… Sometimes you don’t. Hope to see you write again. Good luck.
Well in my opinion you should not have given up blogging, you were doing real good work.
@Angela – Thanks so much for your comment. I had almost forgotten about that Google toolbar button. In some of my posts, I’ve touched on a few of the things that have been happening in my life, but I’ve always felt like I’ve had to hold back. I would definitely like to share more about how I actually feel about things. Thanks again for your comment and the support!
@Ilker – It’s nice to hear from you, man! Yes, I’ll try to post things from time to time still. I don’t know if I’ll ever get back to 20-30 posts per month, but I think I’m going to stick with it. I hope things are going well with you. Thanks for your comment and don’t be a stranger!
@Divvy – I’ve taken a lot of time off, but you’re absolutely right about needing to take breaks. I’ve had this blog for a lot of different reasons since the beginning, but maybe it’s time for me to look at some fresh new reasons for blogging! Thanks for stopping by.
I have discovered your blog today and I really like your articles, so please, don’t spot blogging! You did a very good job!
Best regards,
Ian
Come on.. you can’t give up! You will find the blogger inside you and keep on blogging like everybody else. The last thing that leavs us is the visitors, and iám not gonna leave you!
I have been blogging on my site for a year now and find it hard to come up new things to blog about, you seem to have a nice writing style so keep it up.
sounds like youve hit a rough patch. but wow thats was a great post i felt compelled to read and felt the emotion and passion. please keep on going
I also understand your reasons for not doing so. It would have been interesting in hearing how you dealt ……………….
i hope you didnt give up for blogging. because this kind world is very large.
and i really like your blog, so please keep post articles.
warm regard
Seems like you put yourself into this post though. Maybe you do still have it in you somewhere.
I think everybody goes through some trials along the way. You just need a break to put back the pieces of your life and start all over again… But I believe you don’t really have to stop blogging as yo have a good writing skills. You have you’re way of attracting readers and making them read up to the last part of your post.
Read your blog almost 3 months… liked it, so please dont stop writting.
Pingback: Follow up to Quitting Blogging at FreshBlogger
Maybe just an extended break is all you need. Come back fresh with a clear mind and see if you feel differently. Cheers.
What a pity, I read your blogs almost a few month and I really liked it. Please think about your decision!
Thanks for all of your comments, everyone. I really appreciate the encouragement. It’s helped me decide to keep on doing this. I hope you all keep coming back to visit!
I can appreciate your situation. I’m amazed how some bloggers can constantly come up with very interesting stories to write about. Seems like you need to have some insight to a specific topic, hobby, business or technology.