Maybe you had a fight with that person lying next to you in bed (or sleeping on the couch!) or one of your children. Maybe your mother or father was critical of your life choices last night on the phone and you reacted angrily. Maybe your neighbor’s dog kept you up through the night. Maybe you feel like you’re going nowhere and not making any progress at all on your goals. Maybe…

Isn’t that enough, though? Enough of those nasty little maybes that are ruining your life day by day? There is so much crap that piles up in our minds that makes us feel bad. I’ve written about the topic of mental clutter, dropping bad habits, and, more recently, about the fact that there will be no change in your life if you don’t change.

This idea bears repeating at least once a day. When things aren’t going right, when you’re not feeling right, remember that your discomfort is really a call to action.

Your subconscious will alert you when it feels that you’re on the wrong track. This is where the nagging doubts come in, the sneaking suspicions that you’re making a mistake.

I’m not suggesting that you give in impulsively to these feelings and dump everything in your life (midlife crisis, anyone?). What I’m saying is that these are signs that you should be examining the parts of your life for things that don’t fit, for those little inconsistencies that throw off your sense of self and your feeling of balance.

The problem really is you. I don’t mean that you’re hopelessly messed up, even though you might be. What I mean is once again that the change has to come from you.

Examine your thoughts for a moment and figure out what’s bugging you. What are the little things in your life that are driving you nuts? These are the things to focus on first and make some changes.

Face the facts: No one is going to rescue you.

It’s scary, but empowering to realize that you really are in control of your own life. You are the star of your own show. You are in charge!

So, when I say that it bears repeating every day that the problem is you, I’m really saying that you should remind yourself every day that you are the one in charge of your own destiny. You can make any changes you want to make. There will always be consequences for making these changes, but you can get motivated and do things that will improve your life.

Just about everyone knows the feeling of having too many choices or too much information to process. So many sources of information are bombarding us from one moment to the next that we are immersed in a constant flow of data of all kinds. Think about it: radio, television, internet, from the moment you wake in the morning. Even the signs along the road on your commute to work are animated now so that far more information can be packed into that fleeting few moments of attention as you’re rushing past.

I’ve written before about ways of tuning out the information overload and how to focus through the deluge of data. Those techniques are valid, but there is one simple idea that shines through: act now.

I don’t mean to say that you should blindly make a decision, but that you should take the inputs that you have and act on them or choose not to act. Regardless, the idea is to take some sort of action to clear the mental clutter, to flush all that extraneous data out of the buffer of your mind so that you have room to move on to the next task, but, more importantly, so that you have peace.

Yes, peace. This sense of harmony and balance seems to be missing from today’s world. We all rush from one thing to another, rarely completing, really completing and putting an end to each task, before moving on to something else. Do you remember that feeling from long ago in your childhood? That sense of waking up with nothing to do? Nothing you have to do. Wonderful.

I’m not talking about being bored. I’m talking about the freedom to choose whatever you want to do today because yesterday you cleared your plate. You dealt with all of the myriad of inputs and decisively put each in its proper place or appropriately discarded it. This is harmony. This is peace.

Think about this today. How can I complete this task and just be done with it? How can I remove this nagging from my mental space? Make some decisions about the things that are bugging you and move on. You’ll feel peaceful.

Today as I left the office for lunch, I noticed a lot of people walking around outside. I work in a suburban area that is filled with office parks. I wouldn’t really describe them as parks, but that’s the term you hear most often. Anyway, many people who work in these office buildings spend part of their lunch time walking around in the parking lots for exercise, sunlight, fresh air, etc.

What I was noticing today was how many people wander about alone in these parking lots. Sure, there are a number who walk in groups, but so many are out there alone. There’s nothing wrong with that, but many of them were walking like zombies. They seemed to stagger alone grimly with furrowed brows and tense shoulders. They didn’t look happy at all.

So, when am I going to talk about change? Now. What occurred to me was that these people were dying for change. I would bet that they would have given a lot to get out of their current employment situation. It could be that they were having other problems in their lives, but my first thought was that they hated their jobs.

Making a change would save them, right? It would change their lives, their sense of happiness and self-worth. Everything would be better, wouldn’t it? No.

At first, everything probably would be better for them. They would wake up each day with the thrill of starting something new and go through the workday with the passion and energy of a new lease on life. How is this bad? It’s not bad. It’s just an illusion.

This is the grass is greener mentality that keeps most of us shuffling from one unhappy situation to another throughout our lives. I don’t mean that the grass isn’t greener. It most certainly is greener in some places than in others.

The real problem is that when most of us make a change in our lives, it’s quite often just a matter of degree of difference. We leave one crappy job with a boss we don’t like for another one in the same industry requiring the same skills and where we do something very similar while reporting to someone who, after a while, we come to dislike as much as the last one. WTF?

Really, there’s something to be said for changing jobs and staying the same field, moving up in responsibility and advancing your career. That’s a great idea if that’s your plan. However, if you’re going from one dead end job to another because you’re dying for a change, why are you repeating the same mistake over and over again?

Of course, the same can be said of other changes in life. You could be talking about relationships, houses, social clubs, hair stylists. You name it.

The bottom line is this: if you’re going to make a change, make it count! Make this change one that really changes your life for the better. Take a risk and go for something that really excites you. Don’t turn into another parking lot zombie.

In reality, despite the fact that I’ve written this article and posted it on my blog, most visitors would conclude that I’ve given up blogging. I last posted in September of last year.That would be almost five months without posting at all. This blog seems to be dead. Right?

When I first started this blog back in January of 2006, I was posting pretty frequently. I started out with a post nearly every other day. This continued with some variety for the next couple of years. Life went on and I happily (and sometimes unhappily) continued to blog about things that were of interest to me. I was able to post generally at least once a week until November of 2007.

After that, my posting turned sporadic for the most part. I did make some attempts to revive Freshblogger and had some success, but never as much as I’d had before. It just wasn’t the same. I couldn’t find the motivation to sustain it.

So, what happened?

A lot of stuff. That’s the simple answer.

I blogged once upon a time about putting your personality into your writing. I emphasized the importance of doing this to separate yourself from the millions of other bloggers. There are many, many bloggers, but only one of you. Put a bit of your self into every post, everything you do, and you will stand out.

Through all of life’s changes, it became difficult for me to do this. I felt that I could no longer put my real self into what I was writing for this blog.

I didn’t feel like I could talk about the real things that were going on in my life. I couldn’t talk about my failing marriage and subsequent divorce. The devastation I felt as my life seemed to disintegrate. The guilt I felt, knowing that much of it was my own fault.

I couldn’t talk about the job that I hated for so long. How I was so bored that I wanted to stab myself in the eyes with any sharp objects just to stop the terrible pain of boredom.

I couldn’t talk about rediscovering my individuality. Feeling free for the first time in years after the end of the marriage and the job, neither of which was right for me.

Was I then supposed to talk about the joys of rediscovering dating? The thrill of the chase, of the touch of someone new? Shocking, wonderful delights.

How could I talk about the pain of not waking up to my children every day? Not being able to check on them in the middle of the night. Not being there to comfort them, take care of them, protect them from the horrors of the world.

What could I say about wondering if I could ever love, or even trust someone again? Could I talk about finding someone, falling in love, and marrying again?

How about the jobs? Would anyone care that I’d found another job that was interesting and challenging? But, then, would anyone want to know that it turned very bad after a few months and I realized I was working for a sociopath?

I would have liked to have written about the things that I’d experienced. Everything that I’d learned. I’d like to write about the things that I continue to learn.

I didn’t know how I could possibly write what I really wanted to.

There are a number of reasons for this, I suppose. Chief among them was the fear that it could adversely affect my search for a new job. You can’t very well talk about your douche-bag boss on the blog that’s attached to your real name.

My blogging became a victim of the filter of my own fears. I had to filter out all of those things that could possibly harm me in some way.

I couldn’t talk about my real life, my true concerns. I could only touch on them in the vaguest of senses. I could admit the truth of my divorce and the fact that I was changing jobs, but I didn’t feel like I could expose my true self.

I know this blog isn’t a diary, but I’ve always written it for myself, if not to myself. I’ve loved writing much of it. Other times, I can honestly say that I had to force myself to write.

Where do we go from here, then? That’s a good question. Unfortunately, I don’t have a solid answer for you or even for myself. Writing is somewhat of a painful pleasure for me. It’s exhausting, yet thoroughly cathartic.

I think that I’ll keep writing, keep chipping away at this awful filter, like a sculptor finding David inside a block of marble.

What is it that motivates us to do a task or start a project that we’re not all that enthusiastic about? We may be wholeheartedly in favor of the goal that is to be achieved, like organizing my new place, but it’s still a terrific struggle to get moving toward this goal. Those first little steps can be so difficult for some that they are literally never taken.

I’ve found this to be a factor in many areas of my life. While I can find the energy to get up and go to work every day, take care of my family, and take out the garbage, etc, getting beyond the basics almost takes an act of God. Why is it so hard to find time to put away boxes from the move, go to the gym, practice guitar, or write a few pages of a novel?

Thinking back on the last couple of months, the most progress we made in clearing out the boxes and organizing our home was when we had guests coming over to celebrate my daughter’s birthday. We worked our butts off for hours because we wanted to make a good impression on my wife’s parents. This is despite the fact that they are easy-going people who are not at all judgmental.

Regardless, we were able to make some great improvements in the time before our guests arrived. This underscores the importance of having some sort of outside influence as a motivator towards those projects that we’re having trouble starting. With this in mind, I have a few thoughts that may be helpful in kick-starting stalled progress towards our worthy, but rusty goals:

1. Find a motivator outside yourself. Whether it’s inviting guests over to impose a hard deadline on cleaning your apartment, or taking a creative writing class with weekly homework, sometimes it’s necessary to have someone hold you responsible for meeting your goals. Invite friends over to your place, then, or take a class in writing or guitar playing or pilates where there will be someone expecting you to deliver something tangible on a regular basis.

2. Multitask the simple stuff. If you have a box of papers sitting in the corner of your living room that needs to be sorted or shredded, grab a beer, pull up the box, and turn on that Breaking Bad or Californication that you’ve been waiting to watch on the DVR. OK, ladies, you’re allowed to watch Dancing with the Stars. While you’re watching, sort a few papers, you can shred during the commercials instead of fast-forwarding.

3. Focus on the built-in rewards. Having a clean, well-organized place makes you feel good. I don’t think anyone really likes living in a cluttered space. Similarly, it also feels good to work out, to burn away all the stresses that have been building up like clutter in your soul. This isn’t always the best motivator, obviously, because even though we know these things, we don’t always get started. This leads us to another step:

4. Make it fun. If you’re having trouble going to the gym, then it’s probably not fun enough for you to even want to begin. The answer to this is to mix it up. Do something different that will stimulate your motivation and build some excitement and interest. The treadmill is boring? Then join a hiking group or Krav Maga (brutal, but effective Israeli martial art) class. If the story you’ve been working on no longer gets your juices flowing, try writing about something completely different, a topic that you’ve never explored before.

5. Get a partner. I’m not saying that you should go sign up for e-harmony, but aligning yourself with a friend or family member who also needs a little encouragement toward a common goal can be an enormous benefit. Even if it’s someone from work whom you can trade updates with during lunch once a week, this can be the one thing that motivates you to do something before that next lunch date. Maybe you can talk your spouse or neighbor into trying out rock-climbing and then if you both like it, turn it into a regular exercise thing.

I hope that these ideas will prove useful for you. It’s the result of my reflecting on the issues affecting my own life and my own lack of progress toward certain goals. Living a successful and productive life means filling your days with positive activities that benefit you and the people around you. Feel free to leave a comment and tell me about your own experiences.

This has honestly always bothered me. I’ve worked hard to build up habits that will get me where I need to be on time and to drop those bad habits that get in the way of timeliness. I’ve met with some success over the years, but the underlying issue of tardiness has stuck with me.

I’m getting a little introspective here, but I believe all this may be due to some inner rebellion against society. Call it my own little revolution against the man. I just want to do my own thing without having to worry about some arbitrary set of rules imposed by someone else.

This sounds a bit childish, I’m sure. Like most people, I definitely see the value in being on time. It’s essential to be on time or early to a job interview. There are also other situations where it’s vital to be on time (like, catching a plane). Being habitually late is generally considered a sign that a person isn’t dependable, too. This can be a difficult label to overcome once it’s applied.

There is also a bright side to being late, though. It occurred to me recently that many times when I’ve been late, there has definitely been a reason. I’m almost always doing something that is valuable to me, something that is, in that moment, far more important than whatever it is I might be rushing out to do. In fact, there’s a huge opportunity cost in stressing yourself to always be on time.

Thinking back, there have been many times I’ve taken just a few extra moments to enjoy that last sip of excellent coffee, a few more words of conversation with a loved one or a good friend, another long hug and “I love you” from one of my children, or a few minutes more of closeness with someone I love. How can you place a value on these precious moments?

These are the times that will be most important to you when you look back on your life. No one is going to eulogize you and say how great you were because you were always on time. No one will wipe away a tear and comment on your excellent punctuality. However, many will remember those precious few moments that you spent with them, doing something you love with someone you love.

Near the bottom of the article, though, it struck me that the same advice he gives in the article works well for dealing with disappointment:

If any of this makes you mad, that’s a step in the right direction. Anger is a higher level of consciousness than apathy, so it’s a lot better than being numb all the time. Any emotion — even confusion — is better than apathy. If you work through your feelings instead of repressing them, you’ll soon emerge on the doorstep of courage. And when that happens, you’ll have the will to actually do something about your situation and start living like the powerful human being you were meant to be instead of the domesticated pet you’ve been trained to be.

This is great advice. Instead of just letting the disappointments and stresses of life kick our butts, we need to use them as motivation to move forward. Yes, it’s incredibly difficult to change the habits that have gotten us entrenched in bad situations, but if we’re able to channel that emotion, that discontent, that extreme discomfort, into something useful, there are tremendous strides to be made in success, satisfaction, and happiness.

I went through a range of emotions as I came to terms with the result of my efforts and as I thought about it, I realized it might be helpful for me to write about. I find a kind of catharsis in writing and also feel that some of you may benefit from my experience as well.

I’m no psychiatrist, but I do believe there are stages that a person goes through in dealing with disappointment just like when grieving. In fact, disappointment could be seen as a loss of opportunity that certainly could trigger the grieving process. With that said, here are the steps that occurred to me:

1. Be hurt. It’s OK. It’s likely that a lost opportunity will leave you with injured pride or injured feelings. Don’t fight this feeling. Just let it happen, but don’t dwell there for long in self pity. Let it go.

2. Allow yourself to be angry. Maybe not everyone will feel this way, but I found myself getting angry after the initial shock passed. This is another emotion that’s useful, but only in the short term in this case. Let it be a motivator to further progressive action, but don’t allow it to fester and consume you. As with hurt, just let it go.

3. Take a little time. Yes, take a breather for a little while and let things sink in. It often helps to give these things a day or two to sink in. With a good night’s rest or two, your perspective on events will begin to change and the other emotions will begin to fade.
Count your blessings.

4. Count your blessings. I’m sure if you consider for a moment you’ll see that there are many good things in your life. Things aren’t as bad as they may seem at times. It may take a bit more than a couple of days, but let yourself enjoy the good things about the life you have.

5. Put a positive spin on events. As you realize that there definitely are good things in your life, spend some time casting the events of your disappointment into a better light. Don’t misunderstand that I’m advising you to lie to yourself. Far from it. What I would like to stress is that there are different ways to view the things that have occurred. You can choose to view them from a positive perspective or you can dwell on the negative. It’s your choice.

6. Get back on the horse. After you’ve taken some time and worked through the earlier stages of this process, it’s time to get back to work. Whatever your disappointment was, don’t allow it to haunt you through life. Remember that there will always be some disappointments and failures in life and that those who overcome the trials are the ones who will be successful. There’s no other path to success.

I truly hope that these steps are of some value to you. Taking the time to write about this topic has been a positive experience for me and I’m ready to get back to work. How about you?

I don’t know if I’m any different from anyone else in this regard, but if I feel like my forward progress has stalled on any particular front, I know it’s time to make some changes. Maybe it’s time to learn a new skill, go back to school for that MBA, or even just start a hobby. Or, maybe it’s time for me to start blogging again.

Over the last few months I’ve lost a lot of readers due to my own lack of posting. At one time I had more than 1200 subscribers to my RSS feed. I’ve been thinking about this blog a lot lately, but today is the first time I’ve logged on and actually started to write a post. I performed some much-needed maintenance and upgraded to the latest version of WordPress.

It feels good to be working with FreshBlogger again. I’ve had this blog through a number of significant changes in my life and I believe it really helped me to write about things, even when unrelated to the events going on behind the scenes. It also was a great help to be a member of the blogging community and to be supported through tough times by my blogging friends.

So, what am I trying to say in this meandering post? I think I’m trying to say that I’m restless (duh!) and that I’m going to make a renewed effort to begin posting again on a regular (or irregular) basis. Feel free to chime in with your thoughts!

1. Your skills are not respected. If you feel that your employer doesn’t recognize your value to the company, then it may be time for a change. Do you find that your opinions are taken for granted or that your judgment isn’t taken seriously? If you’re always wrong in the eyes of your employer, then there is definitely a problem.

Take the time to examine yourself, though. Are you really contributing as much as you can? Are you proving your value in your work assignments? If not, it may be worthwhile talking with your supervisor and asking for more challenging or interesting work. If this isn’t an option, then it’s time to start looking.

2. You’re stuck. If you’ve been in the same position, doing the same things, for nearly the same pay, for a long time, it’s time to shake things up. Has your job title been the same for five years? Do you have the same level of responsibility you had three years ago? Is your pay increasing at a snail’s pace with cost of living type raises? Enough is enough.

Again, look at your situation from an outside perspective before making final decisions. It’s true that you’re much more likely these days to make significant gains in salary and benefits by changing jobs than you are by staying at a job for a long time. However, if you’re content with what you’re making and/or the market won’t support paying much more for the work you do, then the scenario may be a little different. You may want to communicate to your supervisor that you’re ready for more responsibilities. It’s also possible that there may be another role in the same organization that can be more satisfying and more lucrative for you.

3. You’re bored! If you simply can’t get into what you’re doing right now, then it may be time to leave. There is some evidence that the human mind needs change in order to defeat boredom and depression. Many of us spend the greater part of our lives, more than 40 hours per week, working. This is a lot of time to be spending performing tasks that aren’t stimulating our brains in the ways that they need in order to thrive.

You have to be careful, though, that you’re focusing on the right parts of your life that need change or improvement. It could be that more outside activities will liven up your life. Perhaps meeting new people is what you need rather than switching jobs. Try expanding your social and activity circle to see if it makes life more interesting and enjoyable for you. If your work situation doesn’t improve after making some changes in your outside activities, then it may be time for you to move on.

Being unhappy in your employment has a profound effect on your life. When your job no longer is satisfying, you often begin thinking all sorts of negative thoughts about yourself. You start thinking that you’re not good at what you do, so maybe you should choose another career. You may think you’re just a bad employee, lazy, sloppy, or unintelligent. These thoughts are self-defeating and self-destructive. Instead of beating yourself up, take some time to make some changes to make your life and work more interesting, challenging, and enjoyable.