This episode was all about how it all began for Tony. If you’re not familiar with this show or the story, Tony Bourdain was a career chef, working in the business for nearly 30 years until writing a book called Kitchen Confidential that propelled him into notoriety and henceforth into popular culture. This book, which I haven’t read yet, but is definitely on my reading list, is sort of a tell-all expose of the culinary culture of New York City. It garnered much praise and not a little criticism for it’s straight-talking illustrations of the places and names behind some of the Big Apple’s finest eateries.

What I found striking about this episode, though, was the transition from professional chef to professional author, and, ultimately, to professional cable television personality. Tony found himself the subject of a documentary that was filmed over the course of several months in 2000. This was the year that his book was published and he went through this enormous life-change.

Before publishing his book, he appears as a younger, skinnier, less gray (and less tan than now!), version of his current self. What’s interesting is his comfort with where he is in life, with his role as head chef at Les Halles. He is clearly at home in the kitchen, making sure that all the components necessary to a fine meal are in the right place at the right time and prepared to perfection. He is in his element as the person in charge of this kitchen and it’s ragtag staff. He’s downright cocky in his confidence.

Then comes publishing Kitchen Confidential. Then the book tour. Then an invitation to lunch from a local, but world-renowned chef. After his meeting, Tony looks shell-shocked. He’s evidently experiencing some sort of inner crisis as he comes to grips with a life that is quickly changing, not for the worse, but undeniably for the better. He describes with some surprise how he is able to pay his rent on time for the just about the first time in his life. Some exaggeration can be expected, but the sense of seeing a man who believes he has seen a miracle is palpable. His life is forever changed in a positive way.

Fast forward ten years. Tony interjects his own commentary from time to time throughout, but it’s most poignant near the end of the program where he still shakes his head in disbelief that he’s made it. He’s comfortable with his new celebrity, even though it hasn’t gone to his head. He’s less arrogant and firmly grounded in his new reality of traveling, talking, writing celebrity. It’s plain to see that he’s humbled by his successes.

The lessons that I take away from this story are several: Work hard, don’t give up, do what you are passionate about, and accept the changes that come with life. When you follow your passions to their natural conclusions, going with the natural current of your life, there will most definitely be great changes. As in Tony’s case, these changes clearly unsettled him and, I’m certain, simply scared the hell out of him. Ultimately, though, he persevered and grew with his passion and with his life and reached this point of balance where it just works.

I’m reminded of that line from Lord Jim by Joseph Conrad, where the wise old adventurer advises that the title character should be encouraged to “immerse himself in the destructive element.” This was an admonition for the perenially unhappy character, who had failed in his one big chance live up to the heroic ideal he had always dreamed of, to dive into this role regardless of consequence. The alternative would have been drugs or alcohol or wasting away the potential of his life in some menial, ignoble job.

In Jim’s case, he embraced his passionate desire and ended up paying for it with his life, for better or worse. Tony Bourdain shows us another side of the coin. He definitely embraced his passion for cooking, for creating something wonderful out of a list of ingredients and a mob of unruly misfits. But, he continued on to the next step, transitioning from chef to author to television star, never letting the passion consume him, but rolling with the punches and accepting his journey.

The overarching lesson is one of pursuing your own passion while accepting the twists and turns of the currents of life. Don’t shy away from change, but embrace it and realize that it’s part of the journey to personal fulfillment and satisfaction in life.

P.S. For a great interview from one of my hometown papers check out Anthony Bourdain’s Irresistible Impulses.

Today as I left the office for lunch, I noticed a lot of people walking around outside. I work in a suburban area that is filled with office parks. I wouldn’t really describe them as parks, but that’s the term you hear most often. Anyway, many people who work in these office buildings spend part of their lunch time walking around in the parking lots for exercise, sunlight, fresh air, etc.

What I was noticing today was how many people wander about alone in these parking lots. Sure, there are a number who walk in groups, but so many are out there alone. There’s nothing wrong with that, but many of them were walking like zombies. They seemed to stagger alone grimly with furrowed brows and tense shoulders. They didn’t look happy at all.

So, when am I going to talk about change? Now. What occurred to me was that these people were dying for change. I would bet that they would have given a lot to get out of their current employment situation. It could be that they were having other problems in their lives, but my first thought was that they hated their jobs.

Making a change would save them, right? It would change their lives, their sense of happiness and self-worth. Everything would be better, wouldn’t it? No.

At first, everything probably would be better for them. They would wake up each day with the thrill of starting something new and go through the workday with the passion and energy of a new lease on life. How is this bad? It’s not bad. It’s just an illusion.

This is the grass is greener mentality that keeps most of us shuffling from one unhappy situation to another throughout our lives. I don’t mean that the grass isn’t greener. It most certainly is greener in some places than in others.

The real problem is that when most of us make a change in our lives, it’s quite often just a matter of degree of difference. We leave one crappy job with a boss we don’t like for another one in the same industry requiring the same skills and where we do something very similar while reporting to someone who, after a while, we come to dislike as much as the last one. WTF?

Really, there’s something to be said for changing jobs and staying the same field, moving up in responsibility and advancing your career. That’s a great idea if that’s your plan. However, if you’re going from one dead end job to another because you’re dying for a change, why are you repeating the same mistake over and over again?

Of course, the same can be said of other changes in life. You could be talking about relationships, houses, social clubs, hair stylists. You name it.

The bottom line is this: if you’re going to make a change, make it count! Make this change one that really changes your life for the better. Take a risk and go for something that really excites you. Don’t turn into another parking lot zombie.

This has honestly always bothered me. I’ve worked hard to build up habits that will get me where I need to be on time and to drop those bad habits that get in the way of timeliness. I’ve met with some success over the years, but the underlying issue of tardiness has stuck with me.

I’m getting a little introspective here, but I believe all this may be due to some inner rebellion against society. Call it my own little revolution against the man. I just want to do my own thing without having to worry about some arbitrary set of rules imposed by someone else.

This sounds a bit childish, I’m sure. Like most people, I definitely see the value in being on time. It’s essential to be on time or early to a job interview. There are also other situations where it’s vital to be on time (like, catching a plane). Being habitually late is generally considered a sign that a person isn’t dependable, too. This can be a difficult label to overcome once it’s applied.

There is also a bright side to being late, though. It occurred to me recently that many times when I’ve been late, there has definitely been a reason. I’m almost always doing something that is valuable to me, something that is, in that moment, far more important than whatever it is I might be rushing out to do. In fact, there’s a huge opportunity cost in stressing yourself to always be on time.

Thinking back, there have been many times I’ve taken just a few extra moments to enjoy that last sip of excellent coffee, a few more words of conversation with a loved one or a good friend, another long hug and “I love you” from one of my children, or a few minutes more of closeness with someone I love. How can you place a value on these precious moments?

These are the times that will be most important to you when you look back on your life. No one is going to eulogize you and say how great you were because you were always on time. No one will wipe away a tear and comment on your excellent punctuality. However, many will remember those precious few moments that you spent with them, doing something you love with someone you love.

Near the bottom of the article, though, it struck me that the same advice he gives in the article works well for dealing with disappointment:

If any of this makes you mad, that’s a step in the right direction. Anger is a higher level of consciousness than apathy, so it’s a lot better than being numb all the time. Any emotion — even confusion — is better than apathy. If you work through your feelings instead of repressing them, you’ll soon emerge on the doorstep of courage. And when that happens, you’ll have the will to actually do something about your situation and start living like the powerful human being you were meant to be instead of the domesticated pet you’ve been trained to be.

This is great advice. Instead of just letting the disappointments and stresses of life kick our butts, we need to use them as motivation to move forward. Yes, it’s incredibly difficult to change the habits that have gotten us entrenched in bad situations, but if we’re able to channel that emotion, that discontent, that extreme discomfort, into something useful, there are tremendous strides to be made in success, satisfaction, and happiness.

I have to admit, though, that there are some things I don’t care for at my new job. Some of these are pretty minor and easily overlooked. Others are potentially cause for greater concern. The question here is how much can you really change about your job?

I’ve blogged about how to know when it’s time to change jobs, but how about making changes to your current job to make it more suitable, more palatable on a daily basis? Is this really a valid option?

I think this is an important question for many people who are dissatisfied with at least some aspect of their employment situation. We spend so much time at work, going to and from work, and thinking about work that any positive improvement will have a great impact on our overall well being.

My own sense of the answer to this question is pretty straightforward: it’s been my experience that things are not likely to change much for the better if you start making complaints at work. Many employers have a hard time dealing with the idea that their company or their management style isn’t unanimously viewed as perfect.

Sure, some managers are certainly reasonable people who are open to suggestions. However, there is usually more to creating a substantial change in the workplace than just changing the mind of one person. Most companies have set policies that tend to be fairly rigid due to employment regulations and in order to minimize the potential for litigation.

This all tends to provide a very large barrier to any meaningful change at work. Often the person making a complaint is thereafter viewed with suspicion and branded as disloyal. After this point has been reached, there is really no other option for the employee than to find another job.

I know I’m sounding pretty jaded here, but I do think there are some instances where you can change things at work for the better. These changes have to come from you, the employee, though. If you can change the way you work or change the way you think about work, then this can have a tremendous positive effect on your working environment and will most likely change the way others in the workplace view you, and ultimately, how they treat you.

This isn’t to say that changes can’t be made by speaking to the appropriate person in charge. I do think this is possible in some cases, but it has to be approached in such a delicate, diplomatic way that it’s often too dangerous to even attempt.

I’d love to hear what any of you have to say about making changes in your workplace. Feel free to leave a comment with any insights or stories you may have.

1. Your skills are not respected. If you feel that your employer doesn’t recognize your value to the company, then it may be time for a change. Do you find that your opinions are taken for granted or that your judgment isn’t taken seriously? If you’re always wrong in the eyes of your employer, then there is definitely a problem.

Take the time to examine yourself, though. Are you really contributing as much as you can? Are you proving your value in your work assignments? If not, it may be worthwhile talking with your supervisor and asking for more challenging or interesting work. If this isn’t an option, then it’s time to start looking.

2. You’re stuck. If you’ve been in the same position, doing the same things, for nearly the same pay, for a long time, it’s time to shake things up. Has your job title been the same for five years? Do you have the same level of responsibility you had three years ago? Is your pay increasing at a snail’s pace with cost of living type raises? Enough is enough.

Again, look at your situation from an outside perspective before making final decisions. It’s true that you’re much more likely these days to make significant gains in salary and benefits by changing jobs than you are by staying at a job for a long time. However, if you’re content with what you’re making and/or the market won’t support paying much more for the work you do, then the scenario may be a little different. You may want to communicate to your supervisor that you’re ready for more responsibilities. It’s also possible that there may be another role in the same organization that can be more satisfying and more lucrative for you.

3. You’re bored! If you simply can’t get into what you’re doing right now, then it may be time to leave. There is some evidence that the human mind needs change in order to defeat boredom and depression. Many of us spend the greater part of our lives, more than 40 hours per week, working. This is a lot of time to be spending performing tasks that aren’t stimulating our brains in the ways that they need in order to thrive.

You have to be careful, though, that you’re focusing on the right parts of your life that need change or improvement. It could be that more outside activities will liven up your life. Perhaps meeting new people is what you need rather than switching jobs. Try expanding your social and activity circle to see if it makes life more interesting and enjoyable for you. If your work situation doesn’t improve after making some changes in your outside activities, then it may be time for you to move on.

Being unhappy in your employment has a profound effect on your life. When your job no longer is satisfying, you often begin thinking all sorts of negative thoughts about yourself. You start thinking that you’re not good at what you do, so maybe you should choose another career. You may think you’re just a bad employee, lazy, sloppy, or unintelligent. These thoughts are self-defeating and self-destructive. Instead of beating yourself up, take some time to make some changes to make your life and work more interesting, challenging, and enjoyable.

I’m going to be writing some articles about employment issues, including searching for a new job, coping with your current one, and being more happy and productive wherever you may be working. There are so many people out there who are dissatisfied with their lives and a large part of that is due to their work situation or their perspective on their own employment. These are factors that can be changed and the realization of that is the first step toward a better, more positive life.

I have a lot of ideas already, but if you would like to suggest some topics to be included or offer your own perspective on the current job market as well as employment issues or searching for a job, please leave a comment or use my contact form.

In the past months I’ve transitioned from married to single, from a big house in the suburbs to a small apartment near the highway, and from a long term steady job to a new one with lots of potential. Each change has caused me to go through a period of introspection, of soul-searching to figure things out. Though there are helpful resources out there, and I’ve had a lot of support from family and friends, there is no instruction book for life.

It’s been a difficult year of adjustment. There have been many ups and downs during this time, but the general trend has always been upward. I feel more positive about my life and where I’m going now than I have in many years.

I want to continue to share with you some of the things I’ve been learning. These things may be about life in general, about making money, and about blogging. I won’t promise not to write about other topics, though, as they come up. I’ve spent so much time learning and experiencing new things lately that have offered valuable lessons to me. I feel that some of these will also be equally valuable to many of you.

This is an exciting time for me in my life, yet there are many fears that I’m dealing with along the way. It’s definitely not easy letting go of the safety of a long term relationship or a long term job. Change can be a scary thing, but it can also be a necessary motivator for taking action and taking control of your life. This is an idea that I’ve found to be valuable to remember during the difficult times. Change is often good even though it’s often frightening and uncomfortable.

I may not be posting every day, but I will continue to write on this blog. I think the FreshBlogger name is even more apropos now as my life feels fresh and new. In the coming months I hope to share even more of these fresh ideas with you. Thanks for continuing to come back and read these pages and a special thanks for those of you who have offered your time and support in the last months. You’ve helped me to keep going in the right direction.

Sometimes when you open your eyes and look around you, all you can see are the mountains that surround you. The many little foothills and gentle ridges that are far closer are beneath the level of your vision and thus, out of your field of view. All you are seeing are those towering, threatening mountains. Every once in a while you get a flash of those sharp, lofty peaks as the clean white teeth in the jaws of life, about to snap shut and devour you completely.

I know I’m not alone in getting these feelings occasionally. People I talk to often admit in private that they feel overwhelmed and paralyzed by all the pressures of life. This paralysis is the most dangerous thing. It allows your fears and doubts to rule your life. It can sap your motivation until your confidence and optimism are on life support, barely breathing.

Here are a few brief tips that help me and I think will help you to get back that spark that’s been so dim lately:

• Take a time out. A little breather away from the pressures of work and life can help you to restore some sense of balance. Take a mental health day from work and make a concerted effort to not even think about work or other pressing concerns. Don’t take too long, though, as things will pile up in your absence.
• Organize. Clear out some of the clutter in your life. Yes, I mean the physical crap that piles up around you. While you’re taking your mental health day, clean up your house or apartment. Just pick up a few things or do the dishes or throw out those old magazines and newspapers you’ll never read. When you get back to work, start clearing the papers off your desk.
• Deal with one thing at a time. If you have trouble with it already, you’ll have to learn to just say no. For your sanity’s sake, focus on one thing at a time. Ignore the phone and email until you’ve completed at least one task. You’ll feel better that you’ve accomplished something. You may want to break down larger projects into microtasks.
• Change. Make some changes in your daily routine for starters. Even small changes will inject some much-needed variety into your life. Small changes can lead to big changes after they become habits.
• Develop a personal mission statement. This step is important. I posted recently about the importance of having a personal mission statement and my own work on developing one for myself. Take your time with this one, though. You’ll want to really think about what’s important to you and how you want to live your life.

I hope you’ll find these ideas useful. That lack of motivation you’re feeling isn’t a good feeling, is it? Remember that your discomfort is a call to action. There’s no better time than right now to start building a better future.

My first encounter with personal mission statements was in reading Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. The concept was very simple: define who I am, what I value, and how I should live my life in light of these realizations. I began immediately trying to put together a list of roles and values. I quickly found that the task was going to be more difficult than I’d initially believed, though.

After taking a good, hard look at myself, it occurred to me that many of us don’t know ourselves very well at all and that, even if we do, we rarely live our lives in accordance with that knowledge. For example, how many of us work at jobs that we profess to hate? And, yet, we still continue to spend the majority of our lives in these places without looking for something better. Or, if we do look for another job, we take the approach that anything is better, just as long as it’s different. This is a dangerous trap caused by either not knowing ourselves or ignoring our own values, needs, and desires.

Chuck’s tag comes at an interesting time for me because I was already working on my personal mission statement. I had started writing one a few years ago and my efforts dwindled away over time as other concerns took priority. A couple of months ago, though, I decided to read 7 Habits again and really work on defining my core roles and values and ultimately, a personal mission statement. When Chuck emailed me, I was in the middle of writing a first draft of this mission statement.

I think Stephen Covey’s approach to this is a good one. He suggests that you define your roles in life first. Think about it. You are one person, but you’re many things to many people, a father to your children, a spouse or significant other to your partner, an employee or employer, a writer or blogger, a member of a church or other group, and, most importantly, an individual. I say that your role as an individual is most important because it is the deepest layer, the most inner part of yourself that defines who you are. Without having an idea of what’s important to you, it’s almost impossible to develop a proper perspective on your other roles in life.

I have a lot more to say on this topic, but I’m going to save it for another post. I’ll be including some of my own personal mission statement, too, so check back soon.