This episode was all about how it all began for Tony. If you’re not familiar with this show or the story, Tony Bourdain was a career chef, working in the business for nearly 30 years until writing a book called Kitchen Confidential that propelled him into notoriety and henceforth into popular culture. This book, which I haven’t read yet, but is definitely on my reading list, is sort of a tell-all expose of the culinary culture of New York City. It garnered much praise and not a little criticism for it’s straight-talking illustrations of the places and names behind some of the Big Apple’s finest eateries.

What I found striking about this episode, though, was the transition from professional chef to professional author, and, ultimately, to professional cable television personality. Tony found himself the subject of a documentary that was filmed over the course of several months in 2000. This was the year that his book was published and he went through this enormous life-change.

Before publishing his book, he appears as a younger, skinnier, less gray (and less tan than now!), version of his current self. What’s interesting is his comfort with where he is in life, with his role as head chef at Les Halles. He is clearly at home in the kitchen, making sure that all the components necessary to a fine meal are in the right place at the right time and prepared to perfection. He is in his element as the person in charge of this kitchen and it’s ragtag staff. He’s downright cocky in his confidence.

Then comes publishing Kitchen Confidential. Then the book tour. Then an invitation to lunch from a local, but world-renowned chef. After his meeting, Tony looks shell-shocked. He’s evidently experiencing some sort of inner crisis as he comes to grips with a life that is quickly changing, not for the worse, but undeniably for the better. He describes with some surprise how he is able to pay his rent on time for the just about the first time in his life. Some exaggeration can be expected, but the sense of seeing a man who believes he has seen a miracle is palpable. His life is forever changed in a positive way.

Fast forward ten years. Tony interjects his own commentary from time to time throughout, but it’s most poignant near the end of the program where he still shakes his head in disbelief that he’s made it. He’s comfortable with his new celebrity, even though it hasn’t gone to his head. He’s less arrogant and firmly grounded in his new reality of traveling, talking, writing celebrity. It’s plain to see that he’s humbled by his successes.

The lessons that I take away from this story are several: Work hard, don’t give up, do what you are passionate about, and accept the changes that come with life. When you follow your passions to their natural conclusions, going with the natural current of your life, there will most definitely be great changes. As in Tony’s case, these changes clearly unsettled him and, I’m certain, simply scared the hell out of him. Ultimately, though, he persevered and grew with his passion and with his life and reached this point of balance where it just works.

I’m reminded of that line from Lord Jim by Joseph Conrad, where the wise old adventurer advises that the title character should be encouraged to “immerse himself in the destructive element.” This was an admonition for the perenially unhappy character, who had failed in his one big chance live up to the heroic ideal he had always dreamed of, to dive into this role regardless of consequence. The alternative would have been drugs or alcohol or wasting away the potential of his life in some menial, ignoble job.

In Jim’s case, he embraced his passionate desire and ended up paying for it with his life, for better or worse. Tony Bourdain shows us another side of the coin. He definitely embraced his passion for cooking, for creating something wonderful out of a list of ingredients and a mob of unruly misfits. But, he continued on to the next step, transitioning from chef to author to television star, never letting the passion consume him, but rolling with the punches and accepting his journey.

The overarching lesson is one of pursuing your own passion while accepting the twists and turns of the currents of life. Don’t shy away from change, but embrace it and realize that it’s part of the journey to personal fulfillment and satisfaction in life.

P.S. For a great interview from one of my hometown papers check out Anthony Bourdain’s Irresistible Impulses.

Maybe you had a fight with that person lying next to you in bed (or sleeping on the couch!) or one of your children. Maybe your mother or father was critical of your life choices last night on the phone and you reacted angrily. Maybe your neighbor’s dog kept you up through the night. Maybe you feel like you’re going nowhere and not making any progress at all on your goals. Maybe…

Isn’t that enough, though? Enough of those nasty little maybes that are ruining your life day by day? There is so much crap that piles up in our minds that makes us feel bad. I’ve written about the topic of mental clutter, dropping bad habits, and, more recently, about the fact that there will be no change in your life if you don’t change.

This idea bears repeating at least once a day. When things aren’t going right, when you’re not feeling right, remember that your discomfort is really a call to action.

Your subconscious will alert you when it feels that you’re on the wrong track. This is where the nagging doubts come in, the sneaking suspicions that you’re making a mistake.

I’m not suggesting that you give in impulsively to these feelings and dump everything in your life (midlife crisis, anyone?). What I’m saying is that these are signs that you should be examining the parts of your life for things that don’t fit, for those little inconsistencies that throw off your sense of self and your feeling of balance.

The problem really is you. I don’t mean that you’re hopelessly messed up, even though you might be. What I mean is once again that the change has to come from you.

Examine your thoughts for a moment and figure out what’s bugging you. What are the little things in your life that are driving you nuts? These are the things to focus on first and make some changes.

Face the facts: No one is going to rescue you.

It’s scary, but empowering to realize that you really are in control of your own life. You are the star of your own show. You are in charge!

So, when I say that it bears repeating every day that the problem is you, I’m really saying that you should remind yourself every day that you are the one in charge of your own destiny. You can make any changes you want to make. There will always be consequences for making these changes, but you can get motivated and do things that will improve your life.

Today as I left the office for lunch, I noticed a lot of people walking around outside. I work in a suburban area that is filled with office parks. I wouldn’t really describe them as parks, but that’s the term you hear most often. Anyway, many people who work in these office buildings spend part of their lunch time walking around in the parking lots for exercise, sunlight, fresh air, etc.

What I was noticing today was how many people wander about alone in these parking lots. Sure, there are a number who walk in groups, but so many are out there alone. There’s nothing wrong with that, but many of them were walking like zombies. They seemed to stagger alone grimly with furrowed brows and tense shoulders. They didn’t look happy at all.

So, when am I going to talk about change? Now. What occurred to me was that these people were dying for change. I would bet that they would have given a lot to get out of their current employment situation. It could be that they were having other problems in their lives, but my first thought was that they hated their jobs.

Making a change would save them, right? It would change their lives, their sense of happiness and self-worth. Everything would be better, wouldn’t it? No.

At first, everything probably would be better for them. They would wake up each day with the thrill of starting something new and go through the workday with the passion and energy of a new lease on life. How is this bad? It’s not bad. It’s just an illusion.

This is the grass is greener mentality that keeps most of us shuffling from one unhappy situation to another throughout our lives. I don’t mean that the grass isn’t greener. It most certainly is greener in some places than in others.

The real problem is that when most of us make a change in our lives, it’s quite often just a matter of degree of difference. We leave one crappy job with a boss we don’t like for another one in the same industry requiring the same skills and where we do something very similar while reporting to someone who, after a while, we come to dislike as much as the last one. WTF?

Really, there’s something to be said for changing jobs and staying the same field, moving up in responsibility and advancing your career. That’s a great idea if that’s your plan. However, if you’re going from one dead end job to another because you’re dying for a change, why are you repeating the same mistake over and over again?

Of course, the same can be said of other changes in life. You could be talking about relationships, houses, social clubs, hair stylists. You name it.

The bottom line is this: if you’re going to make a change, make it count! Make this change one that really changes your life for the better. Take a risk and go for something that really excites you. Don’t turn into another parking lot zombie.

I’m not writing this to denigrate the perfectly nice older woman who served us today. Quite the contrary, I actually feel sorry for her because I know what it’s like to work at something that’s not inspiring. It’s hard not to give the impression that you just don’t care.

Normally, people are pretty good at feigning interest, whether it’s towards a job, a movie, or a conversation. There’s probably a huge amount of fake enthusiasm going on right at this moment. Think of all the bright smiles, nodding heads, and forced laughs in job interviews. Awful, isn’t it?

A quick test of whether you’re faking it is to ask yourself if your outward body language and facial expression match your inner dialogue. If not, then, guess what? You’re faking it!

This is not to say that all fakery in life is bad. Much of what goes on is necessary for a society to function without all of us tearing each other’s throats out. Victorian politeness rose out of just such a necessity.

No, the most awful thing about all of this is the feeling behind the fake smiles. Really, it’s the lack of feeling other than, perhaps, disgust and rejection. Why do so many people go through life like this?

Is it a reaction to the horrors of modern life? This sounds funny on the surface, but think about the real lack of challenge in our daily lives in the Western world. It’s perfectly normal to coast through life without being under any realistic threat of missing a meal or Human beings evolved to react immediately to stimuli in their environment. Modern life dictates that we suppress these reactions or delay them to an appropriate time.

Maybe we are so used to suppressing our real feelings about things that we really don’t feel them any more. We don’t allow ourselves to notice that we feel things so that we can get through the day, the terrible, relentless boredom of much of daily life. Apathy is just our defense mechanism against this horror.

I’m not here to whine about my life. Actually, my life is pretty great, all things considered, but sometimes it gets really stressful. I know this happens to all of us. Sometimes things build up, mostly little things, that add to a load of stress that becomes a heavy burden over time. You get to the point where you just feel like you need a vacation.

Unfortunately, you can’t always just take a few days or a week off and drink beer and play the xbox in your underwear. Or if you can, more power to you!

So, if you’re stuck with bulling through it, it’s OK to just take things one day at a time. You will get through it. Do what it takes to get through the day and while you’re at it, try to make one little thing better.

You don’t have to be a superstar every single day, so set your sights on the low hanging fruit. Knock out something simple, even if it’s just cleaning your desk at work or folding a few pieces of laundry that have been sitting in that basket for a week.

These tasks seem minuscule, but they have a cumulative effect on your life and sense of accomplishment. If you can do one or two small things today and just keep the rest of the pack of howling wolves at bay, then tomorrow you can tackle a few more things, a few slightly bigger things, and in a few more days you’ll be back in your superstar game.

Hang in there, we can make it through today.

In reality, despite the fact that I’ve written this article and posted it on my blog, most visitors would conclude that I’ve given up blogging. I last posted in September of last year.That would be almost five months without posting at all. This blog seems to be dead. Right?

When I first started this blog back in January of 2006, I was posting pretty frequently. I started out with a post nearly every other day. This continued with some variety for the next couple of years. Life went on and I happily (and sometimes unhappily) continued to blog about things that were of interest to me. I was able to post generally at least once a week until November of 2007.

After that, my posting turned sporadic for the most part. I did make some attempts to revive Freshblogger and had some success, but never as much as I’d had before. It just wasn’t the same. I couldn’t find the motivation to sustain it.

So, what happened?

A lot of stuff. That’s the simple answer.

I blogged once upon a time about putting your personality into your writing. I emphasized the importance of doing this to separate yourself from the millions of other bloggers. There are many, many bloggers, but only one of you. Put a bit of your self into every post, everything you do, and you will stand out.

Through all of life’s changes, it became difficult for me to do this. I felt that I could no longer put my real self into what I was writing for this blog.

I didn’t feel like I could talk about the real things that were going on in my life. I couldn’t talk about my failing marriage and subsequent divorce. The devastation I felt as my life seemed to disintegrate. The guilt I felt, knowing that much of it was my own fault.

I couldn’t talk about the job that I hated for so long. How I was so bored that I wanted to stab myself in the eyes with any sharp objects just to stop the terrible pain of boredom.

I couldn’t talk about rediscovering my individuality. Feeling free for the first time in years after the end of the marriage and the job, neither of which was right for me.

Was I then supposed to talk about the joys of rediscovering dating? The thrill of the chase, of the touch of someone new? Shocking, wonderful delights.

How could I talk about the pain of not waking up to my children every day? Not being able to check on them in the middle of the night. Not being there to comfort them, take care of them, protect them from the horrors of the world.

What could I say about wondering if I could ever love, or even trust someone again? Could I talk about finding someone, falling in love, and marrying again?

How about the jobs? Would anyone care that I’d found another job that was interesting and challenging? But, then, would anyone want to know that it turned very bad after a few months and I realized I was working for a sociopath?

I would have liked to have written about the things that I’d experienced. Everything that I’d learned. I’d like to write about the things that I continue to learn.

I didn’t know how I could possibly write what I really wanted to.

There are a number of reasons for this, I suppose. Chief among them was the fear that it could adversely affect my search for a new job. You can’t very well talk about your douche-bag boss on the blog that’s attached to your real name.

My blogging became a victim of the filter of my own fears. I had to filter out all of those things that could possibly harm me in some way.

I couldn’t talk about my real life, my true concerns. I could only touch on them in the vaguest of senses. I could admit the truth of my divorce and the fact that I was changing jobs, but I didn’t feel like I could expose my true self.

I know this blog isn’t a diary, but I’ve always written it for myself, if not to myself. I’ve loved writing much of it. Other times, I can honestly say that I had to force myself to write.

Where do we go from here, then? That’s a good question. Unfortunately, I don’t have a solid answer for you or even for myself. Writing is somewhat of a painful pleasure for me. It’s exhausting, yet thoroughly cathartic.

I think that I’ll keep writing, keep chipping away at this awful filter, like a sculptor finding David inside a block of marble.

What is it that motivates us to do a task or start a project that we’re not all that enthusiastic about? We may be wholeheartedly in favor of the goal that is to be achieved, like organizing my new place, but it’s still a terrific struggle to get moving toward this goal. Those first little steps can be so difficult for some that they are literally never taken.

I’ve found this to be a factor in many areas of my life. While I can find the energy to get up and go to work every day, take care of my family, and take out the garbage, etc, getting beyond the basics almost takes an act of God. Why is it so hard to find time to put away boxes from the move, go to the gym, practice guitar, or write a few pages of a novel?

Thinking back on the last couple of months, the most progress we made in clearing out the boxes and organizing our home was when we had guests coming over to celebrate my daughter’s birthday. We worked our butts off for hours because we wanted to make a good impression on my wife’s parents. This is despite the fact that they are easy-going people who are not at all judgmental.

Regardless, we were able to make some great improvements in the time before our guests arrived. This underscores the importance of having some sort of outside influence as a motivator towards those projects that we’re having trouble starting. With this in mind, I have a few thoughts that may be helpful in kick-starting stalled progress towards our worthy, but rusty goals:

1. Find a motivator outside yourself. Whether it’s inviting guests over to impose a hard deadline on cleaning your apartment, or taking a creative writing class with weekly homework, sometimes it’s necessary to have someone hold you responsible for meeting your goals. Invite friends over to your place, then, or take a class in writing or guitar playing or pilates where there will be someone expecting you to deliver something tangible on a regular basis.

2. Multitask the simple stuff. If you have a box of papers sitting in the corner of your living room that needs to be sorted or shredded, grab a beer, pull up the box, and turn on that Breaking Bad or Californication that you’ve been waiting to watch on the DVR. OK, ladies, you’re allowed to watch Dancing with the Stars. While you’re watching, sort a few papers, you can shred during the commercials instead of fast-forwarding.

3. Focus on the built-in rewards. Having a clean, well-organized place makes you feel good. I don’t think anyone really likes living in a cluttered space. Similarly, it also feels good to work out, to burn away all the stresses that have been building up like clutter in your soul. This isn’t always the best motivator, obviously, because even though we know these things, we don’t always get started. This leads us to another step:

4. Make it fun. If you’re having trouble going to the gym, then it’s probably not fun enough for you to even want to begin. The answer to this is to mix it up. Do something different that will stimulate your motivation and build some excitement and interest. The treadmill is boring? Then join a hiking group or Krav Maga (brutal, but effective Israeli martial art) class. If the story you’ve been working on no longer gets your juices flowing, try writing about something completely different, a topic that you’ve never explored before.

5. Get a partner. I’m not saying that you should go sign up for e-harmony, but aligning yourself with a friend or family member who also needs a little encouragement toward a common goal can be an enormous benefit. Even if it’s someone from work whom you can trade updates with during lunch once a week, this can be the one thing that motivates you to do something before that next lunch date. Maybe you can talk your spouse or neighbor into trying out rock-climbing and then if you both like it, turn it into a regular exercise thing.

I hope that these ideas will prove useful for you. It’s the result of my reflecting on the issues affecting my own life and my own lack of progress toward certain goals. Living a successful and productive life means filling your days with positive activities that benefit you and the people around you. Feel free to leave a comment and tell me about your own experiences.

Since I wrote that last post, we’ve been busy, busy, busy with work, school, family, and everything else that seems to happen these days. We’ve continued to put away a few things here and there, not always hitting our goal of emptying one box per day, but sometimes exceeding that.

One thing that I’m trying to conquer is that it’s really difficult to sustain that motivation from day to day. After working all day and fighting through 30 miles of traffic each way while answering emails and taking calls on the Blackberry, all I want to do when I get home is kick back and have a cold beer. Unfortunately, I’ll never make any progress on anything other than work if I let myself do that.

While it’s a good thing to be successful in your job, it’s also vitally important to spend time on your home life. Just as a healthy body is key to a healthy mind, a healthy home life is key to a healthy work life. Everything we do is connected in some way.

It’s important to keep motivating yourself in order to keep moving toward the goals you’ve set for yourself. I’m thinking about motivation a lot lately as there are areas in my life I’d like to improve, but I’m finding it hard to get started (like exercise!). I have a few ideas on this that I’m going to put together into a new post in the next few days.

The good thing is that we did make some noticeable progress. Our new place is definitely more organized than it was a week ago. It also looks a lot better than our last apartment looked a few weeks after moving in. I think we had to weave our way through mountains of stacked boxes and extra furniture for a couple of months. This was because of a merger between my wife’s stuff and my own, but thankfully, that only had to occur once.

This move was a refresher on some important lessons. I’m thinking of a few things that I’ll be posting about shortly. Thanks to those who left comments on my last post. I’ll be back!

So, here we are again. After another job change, another move, numerous large expected and unexpected expenses, I’m finding myself in a state of disorganization. Life has certainly been hectic over the past few months. I’ve found a fantastic young lady and remarried and also upgraded my employment to a job that suits my lifestyle and career goals much better than the last one. On top of this, we’ve moved to a new place, not far from the last one, but moving is one of those disruptive events that has the potential for disrupting routines and budgets and, worst of all, starting bad habits of spending and non-productivity.

I’m not writing to express my sense of self-pity, but to take the first step in dealing with the issue at hand: Yes, I admit it: I’m completely disorganized right now. I know that I need to take a few steps to get out of the rut I’m falling into. Based on past experiences, here is what I’ve come up:

1) Just admit it, you’re a mess! OK, we’re done with this step. My budget is in the red and my house is full of boxes. Too much eating out and not enough unpacking are the main culprits. Sure, I can use the excuse that my wife and I both work full time and we have kids to take care of, etc, etc, but those are the realities of most people’s lives these days.

2) Get the clutter of your head first. This is all about one of David Allen’s most powerful techniques. If you haven’t heard of Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity, then you must have been living under a rock. Go check it out now. This is the idea of getting all of those little (and big) things that are cluttering your mind, out of your head and into some place where they can be organized, acted on, or filed away as necessary.

This can take the form of just opening up a text file on your pc and typing line by line all of the things that are worrying you, writing it all down on paper, or even just gathering up all those bills, receipts, and notes to self and putting them in one box or pile to be gone through. When you think of or come across something else that should go in this list or pile, get it there as soon as possible. There’s no need to be handicapped by carrying all of those anxieties around with you.

3) Make a plan. This is another important step. Now that you have all these things in a pile of some sort, figure out what you have to do with each thing. Obviously, I can’t put all of the boxes in my house into one big pile, but I know I have to do something about it. How about my wife and I commit to clearing out one room today. This is, in fact, what we have talked about. Today is Sunday and we’re both off of work and the kids are out of the house until tomorrow. Our goal is to clear out our family room first.

I’m making this a much more concrete goal by committing to it to writing and publishing it on my blog, so I’ll have to keep that in mind as I work through the day.

We’ve also taken steps to reign in our nasty little habit of dining out. We’ve purchased the makings of cheap lunches and taken them to our jobs so that we always have a quick, inexpensive option that we can take advantage of right in the office rather than having to leave work and spend money. We’re also working on doing the same thing at home. After working all day, no one wants to come home and spend an hour cooking a meal. We’re going to shop for some quick and cheap meals for home, too.

4) Execute. This is the tough part. We’ve already started working on some of the things that we need to do to reign in our budget and our clutter, but this is definitely a mountain to climb. It’s really difficult to stick with a plan that involves climbing a mountain every day, though. The solution to this dilemma is to break up these tasks into small pieces. For instance, if we can commit to unpacking one box each night, we will continually be making progress towards our goal of having a clutter-free home. This is a doable task, even after working all day and fighting through traffic for an hour to get home.

Also, we can allow ourselves to have a lunch out once a week instead of every day. We can do the same with dinners, too, but on a more limited basis since those can easily get way too expensive. If we can commit to eating out only once or twice a month instead of two or three times a week, then we can make some real progress.

In the end, it’s necessary to start taking some action in a positive way in order to overcome the stresses induced by too much clutter, whether it be a box-filled home, piles of unpaid bills, or a mind filled with anxieties about all of the above and more. Feel free to leave a comment and share your ideas.