Maybe you had a fight with that person lying next to you in bed (or sleeping on the couch!) or one of your children. Maybe your mother or father was critical of your life choices last night on the phone and you reacted angrily. Maybe your neighbor’s dog kept you up through the night. Maybe you feel like you’re going nowhere and not making any progress at all on your goals. Maybe…

Isn’t that enough, though? Enough of those nasty little maybes that are ruining your life day by day? There is so much crap that piles up in our minds that makes us feel bad. I’ve written about the topic of mental clutter, dropping bad habits, and, more recently, about the fact that there will be no change in your life if you don’t change.

This idea bears repeating at least once a day. When things aren’t going right, when you’re not feeling right, remember that your discomfort is really a call to action.

Your subconscious will alert you when it feels that you’re on the wrong track. This is where the nagging doubts come in, the sneaking suspicions that you’re making a mistake.

I’m not suggesting that you give in impulsively to these feelings and dump everything in your life (midlife crisis, anyone?). What I’m saying is that these are signs that you should be examining the parts of your life for things that don’t fit, for those little inconsistencies that throw off your sense of self and your feeling of balance.

The problem really is you. I don’t mean that you’re hopelessly messed up, even though you might be. What I mean is once again that the change has to come from you.

Examine your thoughts for a moment and figure out what’s bugging you. What are the little things in your life that are driving you nuts? These are the things to focus on first and make some changes.

Face the facts: No one is going to rescue you.

It’s scary, but empowering to realize that you really are in control of your own life. You are the star of your own show. You are in charge!

So, when I say that it bears repeating every day that the problem is you, I’m really saying that you should remind yourself every day that you are the one in charge of your own destiny. You can make any changes you want to make. There will always be consequences for making these changes, but you can get motivated and do things that will improve your life.

I’m not here to whine about my life. Actually, my life is pretty great, all things considered, but sometimes it gets really stressful. I know this happens to all of us. Sometimes things build up, mostly little things, that add to a load of stress that becomes a heavy burden over time. You get to the point where you just feel like you need a vacation.

Unfortunately, you can’t always just take a few days or a week off and drink beer and play the xbox in your underwear. Or if you can, more power to you!

So, if you’re stuck with bulling through it, it’s OK to just take things one day at a time. You will get through it. Do what it takes to get through the day and while you’re at it, try to make one little thing better.

You don’t have to be a superstar every single day, so set your sights on the low hanging fruit. Knock out something simple, even if it’s just cleaning your desk at work or folding a few pieces of laundry that have been sitting in that basket for a week.

These tasks seem minuscule, but they have a cumulative effect on your life and sense of accomplishment. If you can do one or two small things today and just keep the rest of the pack of howling wolves at bay, then tomorrow you can tackle a few more things, a few slightly bigger things, and in a few more days you’ll be back in your superstar game.

Hang in there, we can make it through today.

Near the bottom of the article, though, it struck me that the same advice he gives in the article works well for dealing with disappointment:

If any of this makes you mad, that’s a step in the right direction. Anger is a higher level of consciousness than apathy, so it’s a lot better than being numb all the time. Any emotion — even confusion — is better than apathy. If you work through your feelings instead of repressing them, you’ll soon emerge on the doorstep of courage. And when that happens, you’ll have the will to actually do something about your situation and start living like the powerful human being you were meant to be instead of the domesticated pet you’ve been trained to be.

This is great advice. Instead of just letting the disappointments and stresses of life kick our butts, we need to use them as motivation to move forward. Yes, it’s incredibly difficult to change the habits that have gotten us entrenched in bad situations, but if we’re able to channel that emotion, that discontent, that extreme discomfort, into something useful, there are tremendous strides to be made in success, satisfaction, and happiness.

I went through a range of emotions as I came to terms with the result of my efforts and as I thought about it, I realized it might be helpful for me to write about. I find a kind of catharsis in writing and also feel that some of you may benefit from my experience as well.

I’m no psychiatrist, but I do believe there are stages that a person goes through in dealing with disappointment just like when grieving. In fact, disappointment could be seen as a loss of opportunity that certainly could trigger the grieving process. With that said, here are the steps that occurred to me:

1. Be hurt. It’s OK. It’s likely that a lost opportunity will leave you with injured pride or injured feelings. Don’t fight this feeling. Just let it happen, but don’t dwell there for long in self pity. Let it go.

2. Allow yourself to be angry. Maybe not everyone will feel this way, but I found myself getting angry after the initial shock passed. This is another emotion that’s useful, but only in the short term in this case. Let it be a motivator to further progressive action, but don’t allow it to fester and consume you. As with hurt, just let it go.

3. Take a little time. Yes, take a breather for a little while and let things sink in. It often helps to give these things a day or two to sink in. With a good night’s rest or two, your perspective on events will begin to change and the other emotions will begin to fade.
Count your blessings.

4. Count your blessings. I’m sure if you consider for a moment you’ll see that there are many good things in your life. Things aren’t as bad as they may seem at times. It may take a bit more than a couple of days, but let yourself enjoy the good things about the life you have.

5. Put a positive spin on events. As you realize that there definitely are good things in your life, spend some time casting the events of your disappointment into a better light. Don’t misunderstand that I’m advising you to lie to yourself. Far from it. What I would like to stress is that there are different ways to view the things that have occurred. You can choose to view them from a positive perspective or you can dwell on the negative. It’s your choice.

6. Get back on the horse. After you’ve taken some time and worked through the earlier stages of this process, it’s time to get back to work. Whatever your disappointment was, don’t allow it to haunt you through life. Remember that there will always be some disappointments and failures in life and that those who overcome the trials are the ones who will be successful. There’s no other path to success.

I truly hope that these steps are of some value to you. Taking the time to write about this topic has been a positive experience for me and I’m ready to get back to work. How about you?

When we go through these experiences, it’s important to remember that there is still a sun behind those clouds. As important as our loved ones, friends, jobs, homes, cars, and other things in life are to us, there is more in our lives than just one person or job or possession. The pain and emptiness of loss can only be dealt with by accepting that we’ve lost someone or something very precious and then realizing that there are other precious things in our lives to cherish.

With this in mind, don’t wait until you’ve lost someone or something important to you before filling your life with good things. Take time to search for those rays of sunlight while there are few clouds in the blue sky. Meet new people, try new foods, and experience life to the fullest every day. Living a full and passionate life won’t save you from the pain of loss, but will help to insulate you from the worst of the pain and quickly put you on the road to recovery.

I’m going to be writing some articles about employment issues, including searching for a new job, coping with your current one, and being more happy and productive wherever you may be working. There are so many people out there who are dissatisfied with their lives and a large part of that is due to their work situation or their perspective on their own employment. These are factors that can be changed and the realization of that is the first step toward a better, more positive life.

I have a lot of ideas already, but if you would like to suggest some topics to be included or offer your own perspective on the current job market as well as employment issues or searching for a job, please leave a comment or use my contact form.

In the past months I’ve transitioned from married to single, from a big house in the suburbs to a small apartment near the highway, and from a long term steady job to a new one with lots of potential. Each change has caused me to go through a period of introspection, of soul-searching to figure things out. Though there are helpful resources out there, and I’ve had a lot of support from family and friends, there is no instruction book for life.

It’s been a difficult year of adjustment. There have been many ups and downs during this time, but the general trend has always been upward. I feel more positive about my life and where I’m going now than I have in many years.

I want to continue to share with you some of the things I’ve been learning. These things may be about life in general, about making money, and about blogging. I won’t promise not to write about other topics, though, as they come up. I’ve spent so much time learning and experiencing new things lately that have offered valuable lessons to me. I feel that some of these will also be equally valuable to many of you.

This is an exciting time for me in my life, yet there are many fears that I’m dealing with along the way. It’s definitely not easy letting go of the safety of a long term relationship or a long term job. Change can be a scary thing, but it can also be a necessary motivator for taking action and taking control of your life. This is an idea that I’ve found to be valuable to remember during the difficult times. Change is often good even though it’s often frightening and uncomfortable.

I may not be posting every day, but I will continue to write on this blog. I think the FreshBlogger name is even more apropos now as my life feels fresh and new. In the coming months I hope to share even more of these fresh ideas with you. Thanks for continuing to come back and read these pages and a special thanks for those of you who have offered your time and support in the last months. You’ve helped me to keep going in the right direction.

No, I’m not turning this blog into poetry. I’m urging you to take a moment today to enjoy what’s around you. If you can take some time to gaze out a window and just be for a long minute or two, it will do wonders for your spirit. No matter how awful the things you’ve just turned away from may seem to be right now, there absolutely is goodness, beauty, and peace in the world. Look for it.

Think about that feeling of utter desolation for a moment. It’s awful, isn’t it? Really, though, what are the things that you think about that cause you to feel that way? It’s not you, it’s not something inside of you. All of the things that cause the awful emptiness are external factors.

Often these are events and situations that are completely beyond our control. We can’t control the weather. The storms will come no matter how hard we pray or stand shaking our fists and cursing at the gathering clouds. We can’t control the awful things that happen to innocent people on the other side of the world. The geopolitical machinations grind on no matter who we vote into office or what organizations we send our checks to. We can’t control how other people think and feel, either.

In this modern world of so much power and technology, there’s this sense that things are under control. We’re bombarded with media images of beautiful, ever-youthful people living a life of opulence, excitement, and pleasure. Nothing bad happens to them. But, it does.

Celebrities die young. Beauty fades and becomes marred by the passage of time and the corrosive effects of a life of indulgence. No one can control the world around them to any real extent. Lightning strikes, floods wash over the land, and tornadoes wreak havoc on the sticks and stones we put together over our heads to keep cold reality at bay.

Ultimately, each of us is alone. Completely alone. This can incite a feeling of utter terror. Once that terror subsides, though, there is only you, that spiritual something that resides inside the shell of your body.

That’s the part that is safe. It’s the part that cannot be changed by all the powers of the universe unless you allow it. It’s the inner self that is safe from the raging seas of a world that often seems completely mad. Remember that always when the waves seem to be crashing down on you and breaking your world into bits and washing it away. YOU are safe.

Sometimes when you open your eyes and look around you, all you can see are the mountains that surround you. The many little foothills and gentle ridges that are far closer are beneath the level of your vision and thus, out of your field of view. All you are seeing are those towering, threatening mountains. Every once in a while you get a flash of those sharp, lofty peaks as the clean white teeth in the jaws of life, about to snap shut and devour you completely.

I know I’m not alone in getting these feelings occasionally. People I talk to often admit in private that they feel overwhelmed and paralyzed by all the pressures of life. This paralysis is the most dangerous thing. It allows your fears and doubts to rule your life. It can sap your motivation until your confidence and optimism are on life support, barely breathing.

Here are a few brief tips that help me and I think will help you to get back that spark that’s been so dim lately:

• Take a time out. A little breather away from the pressures of work and life can help you to restore some sense of balance. Take a mental health day from work and make a concerted effort to not even think about work or other pressing concerns. Don’t take too long, though, as things will pile up in your absence.
• Organize. Clear out some of the clutter in your life. Yes, I mean the physical crap that piles up around you. While you’re taking your mental health day, clean up your house or apartment. Just pick up a few things or do the dishes or throw out those old magazines and newspapers you’ll never read. When you get back to work, start clearing the papers off your desk.
• Deal with one thing at a time. If you have trouble with it already, you’ll have to learn to just say no. For your sanity’s sake, focus on one thing at a time. Ignore the phone and email until you’ve completed at least one task. You’ll feel better that you’ve accomplished something. You may want to break down larger projects into microtasks.
• Change. Make some changes in your daily routine for starters. Even small changes will inject some much-needed variety into your life. Small changes can lead to big changes after they become habits.
• Develop a personal mission statement. This step is important. I posted recently about the importance of having a personal mission statement and my own work on developing one for myself. Take your time with this one, though. You’ll want to really think about what’s important to you and how you want to live your life.

I hope you’ll find these ideas useful. That lack of motivation you’re feeling isn’t a good feeling, is it? Remember that your discomfort is a call to action. There’s no better time than right now to start building a better future.