Near the bottom of the article, though, it struck me that the same advice he gives in the article works well for dealing with disappointment:

If any of this makes you mad, that’s a step in the right direction. Anger is a higher level of consciousness than apathy, so it’s a lot better than being numb all the time. Any emotion — even confusion — is better than apathy. If you work through your feelings instead of repressing them, you’ll soon emerge on the doorstep of courage. And when that happens, you’ll have the will to actually do something about your situation and start living like the powerful human being you were meant to be instead of the domesticated pet you’ve been trained to be.

This is great advice. Instead of just letting the disappointments and stresses of life kick our butts, we need to use them as motivation to move forward. Yes, it’s incredibly difficult to change the habits that have gotten us entrenched in bad situations, but if we’re able to channel that emotion, that discontent, that extreme discomfort, into something useful, there are tremendous strides to be made in success, satisfaction, and happiness.

I went through a range of emotions as I came to terms with the result of my efforts and as I thought about it, I realized it might be helpful for me to write about. I find a kind of catharsis in writing and also feel that some of you may benefit from my experience as well.

I’m no psychiatrist, but I do believe there are stages that a person goes through in dealing with disappointment just like when grieving. In fact, disappointment could be seen as a loss of opportunity that certainly could trigger the grieving process. With that said, here are the steps that occurred to me:

1. Be hurt. It’s OK. It’s likely that a lost opportunity will leave you with injured pride or injured feelings. Don’t fight this feeling. Just let it happen, but don’t dwell there for long in self pity. Let it go.

2. Allow yourself to be angry. Maybe not everyone will feel this way, but I found myself getting angry after the initial shock passed. This is another emotion that’s useful, but only in the short term in this case. Let it be a motivator to further progressive action, but don’t allow it to fester and consume you. As with hurt, just let it go.

3. Take a little time. Yes, take a breather for a little while and let things sink in. It often helps to give these things a day or two to sink in. With a good night’s rest or two, your perspective on events will begin to change and the other emotions will begin to fade.
Count your blessings.

4. Count your blessings. I’m sure if you consider for a moment you’ll see that there are many good things in your life. Things aren’t as bad as they may seem at times. It may take a bit more than a couple of days, but let yourself enjoy the good things about the life you have.

5. Put a positive spin on events. As you realize that there definitely are good things in your life, spend some time casting the events of your disappointment into a better light. Don’t misunderstand that I’m advising you to lie to yourself. Far from it. What I would like to stress is that there are different ways to view the things that have occurred. You can choose to view them from a positive perspective or you can dwell on the negative. It’s your choice.

6. Get back on the horse. After you’ve taken some time and worked through the earlier stages of this process, it’s time to get back to work. Whatever your disappointment was, don’t allow it to haunt you through life. Remember that there will always be some disappointments and failures in life and that those who overcome the trials are the ones who will be successful. There’s no other path to success.

I truly hope that these steps are of some value to you. Taking the time to write about this topic has been a positive experience for me and I’m ready to get back to work. How about you?

When we go through these experiences, it’s important to remember that there is still a sun behind those clouds. As important as our loved ones, friends, jobs, homes, cars, and other things in life are to us, there is more in our lives than just one person or job or possession. The pain and emptiness of loss can only be dealt with by accepting that we’ve lost someone or something very precious and then realizing that there are other precious things in our lives to cherish.

With this in mind, don’t wait until you’ve lost someone or something important to you before filling your life with good things. Take time to search for those rays of sunlight while there are few clouds in the blue sky. Meet new people, try new foods, and experience life to the fullest every day. Living a full and passionate life won’t save you from the pain of loss, but will help to insulate you from the worst of the pain and quickly put you on the road to recovery.

I’m going to be writing some articles about employment issues, including searching for a new job, coping with your current one, and being more happy and productive wherever you may be working. There are so many people out there who are dissatisfied with their lives and a large part of that is due to their work situation or their perspective on their own employment. These are factors that can be changed and the realization of that is the first step toward a better, more positive life.

I have a lot of ideas already, but if you would like to suggest some topics to be included or offer your own perspective on the current job market as well as employment issues or searching for a job, please leave a comment or use my contact form.

In the past months I’ve transitioned from married to single, from a big house in the suburbs to a small apartment near the highway, and from a long term steady job to a new one with lots of potential. Each change has caused me to go through a period of introspection, of soul-searching to figure things out. Though there are helpful resources out there, and I’ve had a lot of support from family and friends, there is no instruction book for life.

It’s been a difficult year of adjustment. There have been many ups and downs during this time, but the general trend has always been upward. I feel more positive about my life and where I’m going now than I have in many years.

I want to continue to share with you some of the things I’ve been learning. These things may be about life in general, about making money, and about blogging. I won’t promise not to write about other topics, though, as they come up. I’ve spent so much time learning and experiencing new things lately that have offered valuable lessons to me. I feel that some of these will also be equally valuable to many of you.

This is an exciting time for me in my life, yet there are many fears that I’m dealing with along the way. It’s definitely not easy letting go of the safety of a long term relationship or a long term job. Change can be a scary thing, but it can also be a necessary motivator for taking action and taking control of your life. This is an idea that I’ve found to be valuable to remember during the difficult times. Change is often good even though it’s often frightening and uncomfortable.

I may not be posting every day, but I will continue to write on this blog. I think the FreshBlogger name is even more apropos now as my life feels fresh and new. In the coming months I hope to share even more of these fresh ideas with you. Thanks for continuing to come back and read these pages and a special thanks for those of you who have offered your time and support in the last months. You’ve helped me to keep going in the right direction.

No, I’m not turning this blog into poetry. I’m urging you to take a moment today to enjoy what’s around you. If you can take some time to gaze out a window and just be for a long minute or two, it will do wonders for your spirit. No matter how awful the things you’ve just turned away from may seem to be right now, there absolutely is goodness, beauty, and peace in the world. Look for it.

Think about that feeling of utter desolation for a moment. It’s awful, isn’t it? Really, though, what are the things that you think about that cause you to feel that way? It’s not you, it’s not something inside of you. All of the things that cause the awful emptiness are external factors.

Often these are events and situations that are completely beyond our control. We can’t control the weather. The storms will come no matter how hard we pray or stand shaking our fists and cursing at the gathering clouds. We can’t control the awful things that happen to innocent people on the other side of the world. The geopolitical machinations grind on no matter who we vote into office or what organizations we send our checks to. We can’t control how other people think and feel, either.

In this modern world of so much power and technology, there’s this sense that things are under control. We’re bombarded with media images of beautiful, ever-youthful people living a life of opulence, excitement, and pleasure. Nothing bad happens to them. But, it does.

Celebrities die young. Beauty fades and becomes marred by the passage of time and the corrosive effects of a life of indulgence. No one can control the world around them to any real extent. Lightning strikes, floods wash over the land, and tornadoes wreak havoc on the sticks and stones we put together over our heads to keep cold reality at bay.

Ultimately, each of us is alone. Completely alone. This can incite a feeling of utter terror. Once that terror subsides, though, there is only you, that spiritual something that resides inside the shell of your body.

That’s the part that is safe. It’s the part that cannot be changed by all the powers of the universe unless you allow it. It’s the inner self that is safe from the raging seas of a world that often seems completely mad. Remember that always when the waves seem to be crashing down on you and breaking your world into bits and washing it away. YOU are safe.

Sometimes when you open your eyes and look around you, all you can see are the mountains that surround you. The many little foothills and gentle ridges that are far closer are beneath the level of your vision and thus, out of your field of view. All you are seeing are those towering, threatening mountains. Every once in a while you get a flash of those sharp, lofty peaks as the clean white teeth in the jaws of life, about to snap shut and devour you completely.

I know I’m not alone in getting these feelings occasionally. People I talk to often admit in private that they feel overwhelmed and paralyzed by all the pressures of life. This paralysis is the most dangerous thing. It allows your fears and doubts to rule your life. It can sap your motivation until your confidence and optimism are on life support, barely breathing.

Here are a few brief tips that help me and I think will help you to get back that spark that’s been so dim lately:

• Take a time out. A little breather away from the pressures of work and life can help you to restore some sense of balance. Take a mental health day from work and make a concerted effort to not even think about work or other pressing concerns. Don’t take too long, though, as things will pile up in your absence.
• Organize. Clear out some of the clutter in your life. Yes, I mean the physical crap that piles up around you. While you’re taking your mental health day, clean up your house or apartment. Just pick up a few things or do the dishes or throw out those old magazines and newspapers you’ll never read. When you get back to work, start clearing the papers off your desk.
• Deal with one thing at a time. If you have trouble with it already, you’ll have to learn to just say no. For your sanity’s sake, focus on one thing at a time. Ignore the phone and email until you’ve completed at least one task. You’ll feel better that you’ve accomplished something. You may want to break down larger projects into microtasks.
• Change. Make some changes in your daily routine for starters. Even small changes will inject some much-needed variety into your life. Small changes can lead to big changes after they become habits.
• Develop a personal mission statement. This step is important. I posted recently about the importance of having a personal mission statement and my own work on developing one for myself. Take your time with this one, though. You’ll want to really think about what’s important to you and how you want to live your life.

I hope you’ll find these ideas useful. That lack of motivation you’re feeling isn’t a good feeling, is it? Remember that your discomfort is a call to action. There’s no better time than right now to start building a better future.

My first encounter with personal mission statements was in reading Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. The concept was very simple: define who I am, what I value, and how I should live my life in light of these realizations. I began immediately trying to put together a list of roles and values. I quickly found that the task was going to be more difficult than I’d initially believed, though.

After taking a good, hard look at myself, it occurred to me that many of us don’t know ourselves very well at all and that, even if we do, we rarely live our lives in accordance with that knowledge. For example, how many of us work at jobs that we profess to hate? And, yet, we still continue to spend the majority of our lives in these places without looking for something better. Or, if we do look for another job, we take the approach that anything is better, just as long as it’s different. This is a dangerous trap caused by either not knowing ourselves or ignoring our own values, needs, and desires.

Chuck’s tag comes at an interesting time for me because I was already working on my personal mission statement. I had started writing one a few years ago and my efforts dwindled away over time as other concerns took priority. A couple of months ago, though, I decided to read 7 Habits again and really work on defining my core roles and values and ultimately, a personal mission statement. When Chuck emailed me, I was in the middle of writing a first draft of this mission statement.

I think Stephen Covey’s approach to this is a good one. He suggests that you define your roles in life first. Think about it. You are one person, but you’re many things to many people, a father to your children, a spouse or significant other to your partner, an employee or employer, a writer or blogger, a member of a church or other group, and, most importantly, an individual. I say that your role as an individual is most important because it is the deepest layer, the most inner part of yourself that defines who you are. Without having an idea of what’s important to you, it’s almost impossible to develop a proper perspective on your other roles in life.

I have a lot more to say on this topic, but I’m going to save it for another post. I’ll be including some of my own personal mission statement, too, so check back soon.

These are some great questions. This isn’t just about time management. This is about how you live your life. This is about your own personal values and your own sense of self. It’s important to realize that the things we do every day are a direct reflection of our real values and priorities. As I wrote about in my last post, our true priorities in life are reflected in the time and energy spent on various activities. It’s what we actually do that is most important to us.

With that in mind, how are you spending your day? At the end of my last post, I mentioned that I would be reflecting on my own life. I’ve been doing that and I have to tell you that I’m not pleased with the results. In some respects, I’m doing well, but in others I feel like I’ve fallen flat. When examining your life through the prism of actual prioritization, you may find like I did that you waste a lot of time and energy on activities that aren’t benefiting you in any way.

Here’s an example. A long time ago, I wrote a post titled, Don’t Read The News! In this post, I talked about how much time I wasted reading the news and also what a negative influence it had on my outlook on life. There is so much negativity being reported. I asked myself what positive contribution did this information make in my life and the answer was a big nada.

The problem is that I realized that I was still doing it! I have still been reading the news sites at lunch time every day to see what’s going on in the world. Is this really so important to me? Sure, this may seem like I’m overreacting, but what else could I be doing with that 20 or 30 minutes each day that would be a positive addition to my day?

The reason for wasting time like reading news sites is to blow off steam or to let your mind relax. Is it having the desired effect? Maybe it would be better to spend this time doing something else that allows me to relax while at the same time moving me closer to the realization of my goals in life. Remember my post where I said your behaviors should be in line with your goals? It was great advice then and still is now.

The moral of this story is that our lives need constant maintenance. We must be vigilant in keeping ourselves on track with our own values as well as our own goals. You have to change the oil on that car every three months or so to keep it in good shape, right? The tires must be filled and the alignment periodically checked, too. There are lots of factors involved in maintaining a car and our lives are similar. Today is a great day to make sure your tires are properly inflated and your alignment is dead on.